I think the title above is just perfect and sufficient to explain how I feel today. We’ve recorded 6 songs yesterday, and I think I did fine, no gross error. But today is a completely different story. We planned to start at 9.00 am, but the power was off and Ino’ father was late as well. All these problems cost me and tessa half an hour of waiting. An hour for k kiky. Ino arrived on time, just as the power came back. Lucky him…
I knew this would happen. My partiture for the five songs that I’m supposed to play today is just not possible for me to master. Tessa doesn’t have any changes for her partiture, hers is simpler. K kiky made mine THAT hard not because I’m any better than Tessa in playing the violin. Don’t know why… am still wondering why??
I messed up the whole thing. We kept on repeating the same song over and over. While, i kept on doing the same mistakes!!! I don’t know what has gotten over me. Seems like I lost my abilities to play violin and my creative writing. Just read what I have wrote here. Everything is so boring. Even I’m not interested in my own story. It feels hard to express my feelings, for the last two days, with words.
All I know is that I’m having a breakdown. The last two days feel gloomy. I lost my self-confident. I tried my best and I practiced but nothing helps. The knowledge that this is my contribution for the church makes everything feels worse, cause I want to give something perfect for the church. Conclusion: I’m dissapointed with myself.